The Endless Mania That Is "Gossip Girl"
"Pour that Dom down the drain, Dorota."
Like the rest of the world, we have been rewatching The CW’s hit series Gossip Girl. It features the finer sides of life: a dab of Armand Hammer, a thrilling game of I Never, an endless array of intense fashion choices, and an offensive (but genius) 2000’s soundtrack. It’s like a series of rom-coms with the same six people over and over, and over and over again, so it counts for the purpose of this newsletter.
It’s difficult to conjure up thoughts on Gossip Girl without just rambling about all of the chaos at once, so we’ve decided to take an unconventional route: we’ll write to you as if we were texting each other, or sending riffs in a Netflix Party chat. We’ve conjured a number of tantalizing questions, long and short, unique and common, etcetera. And if you have another question for us to answer, please, send it to us. Join our discourse! You know you love us.
Without further ado, our thoughts on what made Gossip Girl, well, Gossip Girl:
Why is everyone rewatching Gossip Girl right now?
Fletcher: It’s never left the consciousness, has it? Once you watch Gossip Girl, it’s always in the back of your mind — especially if you live in New York. When Blair attends NYU and everyone kicks her out of the first dormitory party she attempts to attend? That is herstory. But in quarantine, it’s hit the front-and-center again; or maybe it’s all just smacking my Twitter algorithm at the same time. Go piss, girl — that was funny. But I think we were all rewatching shows at the same time: Sex and the City was big early on in quarantine, then there was Glee, and now Gossip Girl. My hypothesis would suggest that everyone’s looking for a rom-com — they just want it in longer, TV form.
Annabelle: Actually we have been doing all of this together. Honestly, Glee helped pioneer this newsletter. So we can’t not talk about Gossip Girl. I also believe Gossip Girl is worth rewatching like once a decade, minimum.
Finish the statement: I never…
Fletcher: I never answered an “I never” prompt with an action that I’ve actually done, just to confess a scandalous detail. This is just to reference the bonkers scene where Vanessa chugs a beer after saying, “I never slept with Chuck Bass.” And then, as if it weren’t enough, she ...does it again. “I never slept with Chuck Bass twice.” Girl, that’s the opposite of what the game is supposed to be.
Annabelle: They also make the sound editing here just, so loud. Like, you really can just hear her chugging that beer it’s actually quite painful. What is it with “cool quirky girls” in rom-coms deciding to reveal truths about themselves through “I never”? Obviously, all of After was just a nod to this GG moment, but we don’t have time to unpack all of that.
What’s the best Gossip Girl couple?
Annabelle: Okay the answer here is obvious, it’s Chuck and Blair. They’re so dramatic and for what reason exactly? The answer is none. And good for them. I eat it up every time. However, I do also carry a special place in my heart for Rufus and Lily. Serena and Dan can shove it. She’s so flustered for the entire show and why? Girl, it’s Dan.
Fletcher: I’m similarly a #NeverDerena. Chuck and Blair FTW. But I do think that Serena and Nate were a stupidly gorgeous, perfect couple as well.
Annabelle: They deserve each other. Serena needs a stupid little golden retriever boyfriend. I also think Vanessa deserves no one. Go fuck someone at SXSW and leave everyone alone.
melodramatic royalty… they simply belong together
Who’s the Gossip Girl guest star you’re most likely to date?
Fletcher: Aaron Tveit, duh.
Annabelle: Wait I literally forgot he was on the show. If we’re being honest it’s Armand. Him saying “quindici” over and over again lives rent-free in my head.
Best song on the Gossip Girl soundtrack?
Fletcher: I really liked “When Did Your Heart Go Missing” by Rooney, so I enjoyed hearing it in the first season. Really felt like high school. But the clear winner, for me, is “I’m In Here - Piano/Vocal Version” by Sia. That plays when Blair is in that red dress and Chuck is with that cane, and it’s such a moment. LET ME LIVE THIS LIFE!
Annabelle: I unironically listened to that version all throughout high school. I must have been trying to subconsciously relive that during my teen years. But it’s actually probably Apologize by One Republic, or the Thanksgiving episode when Whatcha Say plays.
Are you a Blair or a Serena?
Fletcher: I have always yearned to radiate the bitchy Blair energy, but I literally used a photo of Serena Van Der Woodsen to show my hairdresser what I wanted my hair to look like. Sometimes I can be catty, but never manipulative — definitely a Serena. I throw clothes together and hope they look normal; sometimes they look fashionable together, most of the time I look like a smattering of random fabric.
Annabelle: Okay this is tough because I think my mom is definitely a Blair, but I am nothing like her yet somehow I am very much like her? Unfortunately, though, I am probably a Serena. Her young and naive attraction to the same boring artsy white boys is something I too have experienced. I also used to blackout a bunch in Spain.
us, if we weren’t both stupid and if we were mean to each other
Does it make sense that Dan is Gossip Thee Girl?
Fletcher: Like, no. Just not at all.
Annabelle: Okay in the pilot, there is one shot where there’s the Gossip Girl VO and they literally cut right to an image of Dan type-typing away on his laptop. Which is so glaringly obvious that I can’t believe I was in agony over who it was when I was 13. But yeah, no.
Relatedly, who is the worst Gossip Girl character?
Fletcher: Dan. And Jenny, but at least she’s not Dan.
Annabelle: Agreed. I know Georgina is supposed to be the worst but I just have to laugh every time she’s like “The bitch is back,” which is maybe every ten episodes.
Who is the best Gossip Girl character?
Fletcher: This is harder than the above question, because I love Blair, but I love her most when she is with another person: loving Dorota, loving Chuck, berating Serena, berating every Humphrey. Eric is gold. But for some reason, undoubtedly, I am obsessed with Bart Bass. The scandal surrounding his death and his general physicality is actually so *four heart eyes emojis.* I’m a Bart Bass bitch.
Annabelle: Similarly, I am a Lily Bass stan. She is absolutely insane to me and I eat it up every time. When she sends her daughter to jail to “teach her a lesson”? The way she completely loses herself in every relationship she gets into? So true. I just love the way she talks to everyone too. Anytime she says “Rufus, darling,” the serotonin fires off in my head. Every other episode she’s like “Here’s a ginormous secret I’ve been keeping for years, by the way.” Go off.
so true queen!
What is the Gossip Girl scene that plays on a loop in your head?
Annabelle: It’s absolutely the play episode when they for some reason hire a Broadway director to do a high school Age of Innocence? What even was that? Nate throwing his hissy fit and breaking the fourth wall during the show to announce to everyone that actually he Knows A Lot About Struggle because he was poor for a few months makes me lose it every time. And all of this because he thought his GF at the time, Vanessa, was flirting with a gay director? WHAT?
Fletcher: Okay, and to go off of that, this wonderful Twitter video. But for me, that shaky, wildly-edited scene where Chuck and Blair kiss for the first time, for the eighteenth time and Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own” accompanies them. Every time I hear the song, I think of that scene and the rapid cuts that go along with the music. “Buddha says it’s better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles,” GG narrates before the kiss. So true, queen. Emmy Award!
Annabelle: Also, when Blair and Serena go to Yale and Blair writes the name of the person Serena “killed” on Serena’s card of who she would want most to have dinner with? And when the Dean is like who is this Blair just goes “Oh, it’s the man she killed!” So they step outside to have a literal catfight on the Dean of Yale’s front porch? Incredible. Wait, oh my GOD also the scene when Dan, Vanessa, and Hillary Duff have a threesome at NYU. How could I ever forget?!