The Best Rom-Com Confessions, Rewritten to our Middle School Crushes
To Harry Styles, and to the boy in my geometry class: this one's for you.
We’re stepping into the shoes of Miss Lara Jean Covey today and writing love letters to some of our favorite crushes. To make it rom-com themed, of course, we’ve taken some of the best romantic confessionals to ever be penned. Think 10 Things I Hate About You, Clueless, When Harry Met Sally… but addressed to the men (see: boys) we fantasized over as prepubescent chicks.
Brief testimonials about our letters:
“When I was in middle school I used to imagine that every coveted romance scene in movies was actually being spoken by Harry Styles to me. That he was pointing out all of the things he loved about me, and telling me how much I meant to him. It’s a beautiful image, but for this one, I’m taking matters into my own hands. I have waited and waited on Harry Styles for years, and I will continue to wait for him, but I am sick of being silent. I am sick of pining and never actually speaking. Today, I will be confessing my love for three celebrities I cannot stop thinking about. Harry Styles, of course because who would I be without him, Ryan Gosling, and Robert Pattinson, specifically, RE: April 2020 GQ cover story, because I love an agent of chaos. Boys if you read this, my DMs are open. I will wait for you.” -Annabelle
“There’s no doubt about it: I was a sapiosexual middle schooler. When any guy from my geometry class (in my school, geometry was a section of math you took your sophomore year of high school) spoke — I sweat through my little Justice graphic tees, picturing what our acute wedding would look like. It’s a good thing our teacher turned off the lights to use the Smart Board, or else everyone would have seen my tomato-red cheeks. I also liked the orchestra boys. Especially if they could do vibrato on their strings. Middle school was when I got really into rom-coms: I would hide under my sheets at night watching classics like Clueless or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days on my iPad until the late hour of 10 p.m. I was a delinquent, but more than that, I was a romantic. Could you blame me? With geometry hotties and string lords (“lord of the strings”, as their graphic tees read) catching my eye, I figured one of them had to be the one. Certainly a misguided mindset, but nearly 10 years later, I’ve written three confessionals to my prominent middle school crushes. I’ll never forget you. <3” -Fletcher
click any of the photos to watch the original confession
When Harry Met Sally…:
this one’s for robert pattinson in response to his GQ article
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. And the thing is, I love you. I love you. I love that you put pasta in a bowl and microwave it. I love that you say provocative things because you get uncomfortable with earnest things. I love that you think Twilight is a series of existentialist art house movies. I love that after watching countless interviews online, I can still feel your energy through the screen, and I love that you are the last person I want to fantasize about before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because I read your April 2020 GQ interview once a week. I’m writing this tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” -Annabelle
Bridget Jones Diary:
this one’s for oscar he was in my geometry class
“I realize when I met you in Geometry Class I was unforgivably awko taco, and wearing an electric blue Justice glitter cardigan paired with a pink braless cami that my grandma bought me as a back-to-school gift. But the thing is, what I'm trying to say over my garlic toast I saved from lunch: is that in fact, perhaps against the fact that you are much shorter than me and you smell like your gym uniform from last period, I like you very much. I like you very much — just as you are.” -Fletcher
Juno:
this one’s for ryan gosling
“I’m in love with you. No, I mean for real. Cause you’re like, the suavest person I’ve ever seen eat Sbarro, and you don’t even have to try? And like you’re really smart, and you always do this thing where you look into the distance, and you look at the person you’re talking to and ask them a question you know they’ll say yes to, and you’re not like everyone else. You don’t stare at my boobs the whole time, you tell me my insecurities are “pissshicaca,” and every time I see you my baby starts kicking super hard.” -Annabelle
10 Things I Hate About You:
this one’s for alex he was on the soccer team
“I hate the way you talk to me with food stuck in your braces
and the way you buzzcut your hair.
I hate the way you borrow all of my nice mechanical pencils.
I hate it when you chew on them.
I hate your big dumb soccer cleats
and the way you play with slime.
I hate you so much it makes me sick;
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate it, I hate the way you're always the teacher’s pet.
I hate it when you pretend to use your Spanish textbook as a soccer referee card.
I hate when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me gossip with all of my friends about your new pair of cleats.
I hate it when you’re sick and out of class,
and the fact that I don’t even have your cell phone number (did your parents let you get one yet?).
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all.” -Fletcher
Little Women:
this one’s for harry styles
“It’s no use. We’ve got to have it out. I have loved you ever since I saw you in that leopard coat in the Steal My Girl music video, I couldn’t help it. I tried to tell you how much I love you and you didn’t open my DM which is fine, but I must make you hear now, and give me an answer because I cannot go on crying to Fine Line any longer. I gave up having two nipples, I gave up everything you didn’t like, I’m happy I did, it’s fine, and I waited, and I never complained, because I figured you’d love me! And I realize I’m not half good enough, and I’m not Camille Rowe… but I can’t love anyone else. I only love you.” -Annabelle
Clueless:
this one is for marcel he was also, obviously, in my geometry class. and in orchestra
“Everything I think and everything I do is wrong. I kept forgetting to bring my sheet music to orchestra, I was wrong about getting the lead in the school musical, and now Marcel hated me. It all boiled down to one inevitable conclusion: I was just totally clueless. Oh, and this whole Marcel getting detention in geometry class was wiggin' me more than anything. I mean, what was our teacher’s problem? Marcel was just chewing with his mouth open. I really... Oooh! I wonder if they have those Justice pink leopard print leggings in my size! … What girl will he find in detention? He wears stinky graphic tees (like “I put ketchup on my ketchup”), he listens to Imagine Dragons, he's not even cute in a Josh Hutcherson as Peeta way... I mean, he's just like this slug that never pays attention in geometry class! Ugh! And he tries way too hard to win flag football in gym class, couldn't take him anywhere. Wait a second, what am I stressing about, this is like, Marcel Lock. Okay, okay......so he's kind of sexy and he knows it. What would he want with some viola girl, she couldn't make him drop his violin laughing at her jokes. Marcel needs someone who knows her quadrilaterals. Someone to go to Starbucks after school and get Vanilla Bean Fraps with him. Someone to laugh at his jokes in case he ever makes any that aren’t about Fifa. Suddenly....Oh my god! I love Marcel! I'm majorly, totally, butt crazy in love with Marcel! But now I don't know how to act around him. I mean normally I'd strut around in my sparkly little Justice outfits, play with my silly putty all the boys ask to borrow, and pass notes about him to my best friend in Spanish class — but I couldn't do that stuff with Marcel.” -Fletcher