'Emily In Paris' Top Shadiest Diva Moments
All the moments where we yelled "GUILLOTINE!"
If you haven’t been on the internet lately or just choose to live in blissful ignorance of the catastrophically, hilariously awful new Darren Star series “Emily in Paris,” well, good for you. Unfortunately for us, as rom-com scholars, we were forced to watch the entire series, beginning to end, for research purposes, obviously.
The worst part? We loved every second of it. The titular Emily is an absolutely unbearable American with outfits so heinous they even manage to make Lily Collins look ugly, but we were stuck onto her every word.
We’ve all seen that maniacal selfie of Emily with a chocolate croissant. As someone who runs a croissant-themed Instagram, I (Fletcher) must say: stop that, Emily! That’s enough. Must we include photos of ourselves on our foodie posts? Just post the food. Nothing else is needed.
That being said, here are Emily’s Shadiest Diva Moments in Paris:
Episode 1: Shutting Down All Of Paris’ Electricity By Having Cybersex
There’s so much to comment on in this first episode alone, but by far the most insane bit of this episode is when she shuts down the power in all of Paris because she is having cybersex with her boring ass American boyfriend whose name I do not even care to remember. Really, Emily? All those ugly clothes and you couldn’t even bother to bring a battery-powered vibrator? Get it together. -Annabelle
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Flat-out refusing to learn French even though she took a job in Paris. Your Rosetta Stone “hasn’t kicked in yet?” this isn’t one of your friend’s older brother’s “special” brownies.
The sheer Parisian skyline shirt, snakeskin pencil skirt combo.
Insisting she knows the most about social media because “Americans invented it.”
Episode 2: The Vagina is Not Male!
Emily, this statement is not radical. Gender binaries have been a well-established issue in romance languages; her sweeping campaign is just another example of an American girl trying to take over a foreign world. Emily needs to mind her own business. Do your abroad girl Instagram posts, caption them “wånderlust,” take boomerangs of your coffee, and go about your day in peace. -Fletcher
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
When Emily demands her steak to be cooked more: “Maybe I’ll educate the chef a little bit about customer service.”
She dumps her boyfriend. “You start by getting on a plane,” she says, ever-so Carrie Bradshaw, when he says he doesn’t know how to make the relationship work.
Captions a photo “Paris is weeping.” after she breaks up with her boyfriend. CHILL. OUT.
Episode 3: Insisting Biggest Luxury Perfume House in France Abandon His Entire Ad Campaign in Favor of a Twitter Poll
Of course Emily decides to walk on to a perfume ad set (a set she shouldn’t even be on, BTW!) and tell the director of the company that the entire ad is “sexist” because it centers around a nude woman wanting to be desired by men. Ironically, shaming a woman for her desire to be attractive to men is unfeminist, not that Emily would know that. Her big solution to “fix” this ad campaign? To post it on Twitter, and poll their audience: “Sexy or Sexist?” Revolutionary, Emily. -Annabelle
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Bombarding a model for an Instagram live.
Getting upset because she had to read the role of “girl who wasn’t invited to Jean-Jacques’ party” in language class (I get it, Jean-Jacques, I would not invite Emily to my party either)
Sending over the “corporate commandments” to the entirety of Savoir and expecting them to comply… if someone told me “Thou shalt always have a positive attitude” I would simply punch them in the face.
Episode 4: Gabriel Kiss #1
To be honest, this kiss would be fairly clean — she doesn’t know that he’s dating Camille. In fact, she hasn’t even met Camille yet. The fact that she doesn’t ask, however, is a little shady. And then she doesn’t even tell Camille, or apologize, or try to solve the issue at all! -Fletcher
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
#everythingiscominguproses!
Emily sends herself peanut butter from America
She lies about the La Perla gift, saying it’s from Gabriel and not Antoine. Yet another thing that could be solved if Emily just came clean about everything.
Episode 5: Eating the Wall at an Influencer Event
This episode is absolutely insane to me because it basically exists to cement the fact that Emily is “original!” and “not like other influencers” because she makes a video on her Instagram of her eating the wall at a beauty influencer event. Not to mention that the cosmetics company that invited her to this event allegedly had a bad falling out with Sylvie and all of Savoir, and instead of just letting it be, Emily decides she can win them back. Do less! -Annabelle
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Deciding that she can put a bed in the Louvre
Posting a picture of her and Camille in bed together that Gabriel likes
Episode 6: Refusing to Let Rigarde Die
In this episode, Emily pays a visit to the ever-famous designer Pierre Cadoult — and he’s having none of her bag-charm bullshit. He calls her a “ringarde,” and the Savoir posse storms out in terror. Emily finds out what “ringarde” means: basic. She’s a basic bitch. She’s so pissed that she buys tickets to the ballet (what everyone does when they’re angry in Paris) to catch Pierre. And then, on top of stalking him, she ropes him into this manic rant about Gossip Girl and being basic. Okay, diva! -Fletcher
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Wearing off-black when she’s been strictly instructed to wear all-black — and then adding a gold Eiffel Tower chain to her bag.
Her version of flirting includes spying on other people: specifically, trying to guess if a man and a woman are mother and son or partners. What a gossip!
Just copying Natalie Portman’s entire Black Swan look?
Episode 7: Gabriel Kiss #2
When Emily and Gabriel lose the American actress they are supposed to be babysitting in the club, instead of trying to find her, they have a #deep conversation on the dance floor (which, in a Parisian club? You would not be able to hear each other) when Gabriel says jokingly, “you did not come to Paris to be good,” and her reaction is to… KISS him. Even though she KNOWS at this point that he is dating her friend who has been nothing but nice to her, Camille. Right, totally something that normal, good people do. -Annabelle
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Telling Gabriel she “needs the whole crepe”
Calling Sylvie in the wee hours of the morning because she’s bad at her job
Episode 8: Sleeping with a 17-Year-Old
This doesn’t even require an explanation. Emily has sex with Camille’s brother, who turns out to be 17. Emily continues to mess with Camille’s livelihood, and she really has no remorse about the whole thing. She wakes up with a hickey, but doesn’t even bother covering it up with a turtleneck. -Fletcher
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
She’s so mean to Gabriel when he offers to take her to the market, and for what?
Episode 9: Flirting with Pierre’s Son For… Work?
Emily proves once again that she has no boundaries by trying to flirt with Mathieu Cadault, the business head of design house Pierre Cadault, to get a dress for an auction. Why, WHY must she time and time again insist on going out of her way to make everyone else’s lives difficult? Its been only 1 season and 9 episodes and this girl already has 4 different suitors. As my roommate Jack likes to say, “Emily in Paris? More like Emily on penis!” He’s not wrong. -Annabelle
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Going to confront Pierre and refusing the creme brulee he offers her for no reason
Forcing Mindy to sing in the park in front of a bunch of strangers even though she literally admitted to having PTSD from singing in front of audiences before
Episode 10: Ignoring Luc as He Gives a Presentation
Look: the obvious answer here is the sex with Gabriel. But, in a show full of clichés, I will sway from the norm and say that Emily’s final shadiest diva moment is ignoring Luc in this episode. So shady that, in fact, she loses her job. Emily is too busy texting her new man (Mathieu Cadault, or “Matt,” of course) to give Luc the time of day — after all he’s done to make her feel included! What a SHADY DIVA.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Her “big idea” is just returning to the venue where Pierre Cadault was originally slated to display his collection.
She finally sleeps with Gabriel. She’s wearing these gladiator sandals that give me the same feeling I get when I see men wearing thick neon sneakers — chills. I can’t sleep when I see attractive people with horrible footwear.